DATING STANDARDS

Church’s Standards on Dating:

We had a great discussion in our Mia Maid class on dating.  Here is somewhat how the lesson went.  “Somewhat” because I don’t remember all the discussion.  Mostly it’s what I had prepared with a little input of what I can remember.  

I asked the girls before hand to write down their questions on dating.

The question was asked: Is Passionate kissing a sin? Even though I really didn’t want to have a discussion on chastity I felt like something should be said.  Passionate kissing is not a sin in that if you participate in it you need to go and talk to your Bishop.  BUT the church advises against it because passionate kissing leads to further passion and into sin where you DO need to go and see your Bishop.  It’s best to stay away so you don’t get caught doing other sexual acts.

What is the church’s stand on dating??                      Write on the board.

Read the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet:

1.     No dating before 16

            Why?

            Maturity level is higher (more mature)--you're brain is more developed and can better interpret relationships

            Self-Discipline is more developed

            Better understanding of the standards           

2.     Avoid Frequent Dates with Same Person

            WHY?

            To avoid becoming more serious before you’re mature enough to be serious

            Avoid a broken heart

            Harder to maintain standards

            So you don't base your self-worth on your dating or breaking up---Not a good thing

3.     Date those with High Standards

            WHY?

            Harder to keep your standards when those around you don’t live theirs

            Easy to become complacent and forget the importance of the standards.

            Actions are preceded by our thoughts.

            Protect each other’s honor and virtue.
            Sometimes that may mean standing alone!  (Like Moroni)

4.     Go to Places where you can maintain your standards           

            Where would be a place where you would NOT go?  

• anywhere where alcohol is present
• where there is no adult supervision
• where activities are not following the church standards
• where you are totally alone with your date
• dark and secluded areas

            

We need to have FAITH in our leaders/the prophet and those who came up with these standards that they are trying to help us. 

The purpose of Dating:

            Pre-mission:  Dating is an opportunity to make friends with members of the opposite sex. 

            Learn social skills

            Learn how to interact with boys without feeling uncomfortable

            Learn what you like in a boy

            Learn about yourself

            Learn Respect—Self Control

            Learn about other people in general

            Post-mission: Find a Husband/Wife!

WE MARRY WHOM WE DATE!

I had a conversation with my married daughter about what kind of man you want to marry?

            Yes, you want to marry a righteous man—someone who will take you to the temple.

            Yes, you want to marry a return missionary—a mission makes a boy into a man & helps him to develop righteousness and a stronger testimony.  He learns how to be responsible.

            BUT – you want to marry a man who can earn a living for you and your family—someone who has a good work ethic and is a hard worker—someone who believes in education and knows the importance of it-- How do you know if he has these qualities? 

                        Look at the history of his work ethics as a youth

                        Look at how he views his schooling now—does he take it seriously?

                        Look at his father and the example he is setting or has set

            BUT – marry a man that will treat you and your children well—How do you know?

                        Look at how he treats his mother

                        Look at how he treats his siblings

                        Look how he treats others—should all be the same—treats his family the way he treats his friends.  

                       

The DECISIONS YOU MAKE NOW WILL DETERMINE THE TYPE OF MARRIAGE YOU WILL HAVE—THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WILL MARRY--they will determine your DESTINY!

Article of Faith 13: 
We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

give each girl a copy—highlight the qualities you want in a husband--circle the qualities you have! 
The Young Women General Presidency wrote an article on their advice on dating.  It's really great. You can check it out here: https://www.lds.org/liahona/2010/04/advice-to-young-women-on-dating?lang=eng 

If you want high qualities in a man/boy—you have to have high qualities in yourself.  You have to do your part to help the young men have these high qualities.  If you live the commandments and the standards and the values, it will help them to live them as well. 

Elder Richard G Scott tells the story of when he first met his wife—he fell head over heals in love.  One night she told him how she planned only to marry a return missionary.  He had never considered going on a mission.  Shortly thereafter he went in and met with his Bishop and started the preparation to go on a mission.  If she hadn’t had that stipulation, he may never have gone on a mission.  She was a strength and a help to him.   YOU CAN BE THE SAME!!!!  Here is the story in his words:

Later, as I was about to graduate from the university, I fell in love with a beautiful young woman named Jeanene Watkins. I thought she was beginning to have some deep feelings for me also. One night when we were talking about the future, she carefully wove into the discussion a statement that changed my life forever. She said, “When I marry, it will be to a faithful returned missionary in the temple.”

I hadn’t thought much about a mission before then. That night my motivation to consider missionary service changed dramatically. I went home, and I could think of nothing else. I was awake all night long. I was completely distracted from my studies the next day. After many prayers I made the decision to meet with my bishop and begin my missionary application.

Jeanene never asked me to serve a mission for her. She loved me enough to share her conviction and then gave me the opportunity to work out the direction of my own life. We both served missions and later were sealed in the temple. Jeanene’s courage and commitment to her faith have made all the difference in our lives together. I am certain we would not have found the happiness we enjoy without her strong faith in the principle of serving the Lord first. She is a wonderful, righteous example!

Kissing issue:  Some of the girls in our class want to know if it's alright to kiss boys.  Here is a rough draft of our conversation about kissing!

            God made us with a desire to have a physical attraction towards members of the opposite sex!

            We have this built in desire—we want to kiss the boys!

            It is best to refrain from kissing lots of boys.  Make it special for a special boy.  Don’t just give your kisses out freely and look for the boys that would feel and do the same.

            When you’re kissing a boy it only makes that desire grow stronger.  Thoughts lead to Actions.  Desire to kiss leads to kissing which leads to passionate kissing which leads to petting and other more serious sins.  These are actions we need to avoid until marriage.  Kissing brings your hormones to life!!  They start pumping and it can become uncontrollable.  That's why we stay away from Passionate Kissing.

On the church web site (lds.org) you can find experiences from other LDS youth on dating.  Here are a couple that I found enlightening.

Kaitlin Colleen R. - United States

• Just a year ago, I made the mistake of thinking that "do not go on frequent dates with the same person" did not apply to me. I decided that I was the exception, and this boy and I began steady dating. At first everything seemed fine! We read scriptures together and we were both really good LDS kids. But after awhile, I began to lose the spirit. We sacrificed our standards and gave into the worlds standards. And I forgot my identity as a daughter of God. Please do not let Satan convince you that you are an exception, and that the worlds standards are okay. Please hold yourself to God's standards no matter what, and you will save yourself from immense heartache. Dating should be a happy and fun experience, but you only if do it God's way.

Frida Monserrat Velasco D. - United States

I recently turned 16 in May, and i know some Young Women that already are dating guys for a long time now. Sometimes I felt like they treated me less because maybe I wasn't mature enough to date or simply guys didn't really notice me. It made me feel not so good but after many prayers and thinking about dating and the counsel the prophets always gives us I realized something. I want to marry a young man that is worthy of the priesthood and recognizes a virtues young woman. If i want that as a husband then I should do the same, keep high standards, following the advice of our leaders and like i read in previous experiences to go on double dates and enjoy dating guys but not "going out". I thank Heavenly Father and our Prophets that always keep a watch out for us, they make my life happy!

I encourage all of you to have the faith and the courage to follow the prophet on this important standard.  You will NEVER regret it!

SET YOUR STANDARDS—SET YOUR LIMITS

THOUGHTS LEAD TO ACTIONS

A Sacred and Spiritual Experience: The Sacrament

I spoke in Sacrament Meeting on Sunday.  Here's my talk:  To understand more fully the sacrament, let's go way back in history to the beginning of the Passover. In the days of Moses when the children of Israel were enslaved to the Egyptians.  Moses was trying to free his people but was not having a lot of success.  The Lord told him to bring the sacrificial lamb and prepare a feast for the people.  He told him to take the blood of the lamb and place in on the 2 side posts and the post above the door of every family  so that when the  destroying angel came through the streets killing the first born child in every home, the homes with the blood on the doors would be passed over and their children would be saved.  Moses and the Israelites did as they were commanded and while all the Egyptians lost their oldest child the Israelites were spared and were allowed to go free.  They left in such hast that their dough was not leavened.  In Exodus 12: 14 And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the Lord throughout your generations; 

Thus became the feast of the Passover with unleavened bread. 

Now we go several hundred years forward to the time of Jesus.  It is the time of the Passover for the Jews.  Many of the men were gathering in Jerusalem for the feast of the Passover.  Many are wondering if Jesus will come and some doubted that He would because everyone knew that the chief priests wanted to put him to death. But Jesus knowing that his time was at hand did come.   He met with his disciples in the upper room of home where they would partake of the feast of unleavened bread.  Here he instituted the sacrament.  In Luke 22 we read:  19 ¶And he took bread, and gave thanks, and brake it, and gave unto them, saying, This is my body which is given for you: this do in remembrance of me.

After which Jesus took the wine and said.. 20 Likewise also the cup after supper, saying, This cup is the new testament in my blood, which is shed for you.

Elder James J. Hamula said at this last conference: In this simple yet profound manner, Jesus instituted a new ordinance for God’s covenant people……Participation in this new ordinance would signify to all a solemn acceptance of Jesus as the promised Christ and wholehearted willingness to follow Him and keep His commandments. To those who would so signify and conduct their life, spiritual death would “pass over” them, and eternal life would be assured.

We read in Acts how the disciples continued this new ordinance: "And upon the first day of the week, … the disciples came together to break bread,"

When the Savior visited the Nephites after his resurrection he instituted the sacrament with them.  We read in 3 Nephi 18: 3 "And when the disciples had come with bread and wine, he took of the bread and brake and blessed it; and he gave unto the disciples and commanded that they should eat.

5  And when the multitude had eaten and were filled, he said unto the disciples:  Behold there shall one be ordained among you, and to him will I give power that he shall break bread and bless it and give it unto the people of my church,… 6 And this shall ye always observe to do, even as I have done, even as I have broken bread and blessed it and given it unto you."

And when the church was restored, the Lord instituted the sacrament giving similar instructions.  We read in D&C 20:75 "It is expedient that the church meet together often to partake of bread and wine in the remembrance of the Lord Jesus;"

Thus we see that the Sacrament is a very important ordinance for all to participate in. 

After Christ instituted the sacrament, we know he then went to the garden of Gethsemane, where he suffered the pains and sorrows and anguish, temptations and afflictions and sins of every kind for every human that every will or did live upon the earth.  He suffered in such a way that we can't comprehend it.  He suffered to the point that he bled from every pore.  And then Christ was hung on the cross where his flesh was torn and his heart was broken even unto death.  But triumphantly he arose from the tomb never again to know disease, pain, decay or death. 

ElderHamula said, “The ordinance of the sacrament has been called “one of the most holy and sacred ordinances in the Church.”18 It needs to become more holy and sacred to each of us.  Jesus Christ Himself instituted the ordinance to remind us what He did to redeem us and to teach us how we may avail ourselves of His Redemption and thereby live with God again.  And in taking the bread to ourselves, we acknowledge that, like Christ’s mortal body, our bodies will be released from the bonds of death, rise triumphantly from the grave, and be restored to our eternal spirits.23^….In taking the water to ourselves, we acknowledge that His blood and suffering atoned for our sins and that He will remit our sins as we embrace and accept the principles and ordinances of His gospel.”

Every Sunday, we have that great opportunity to not only remember what Jesus Christ did for us, but we can be reminded that because of Him, we can be forgiven of our sins. None of us are perfect and we all sin in some way.  We are reminded that regardless of how we live our lives, we will live again after this life.  Jesus Christ was resurrected so that all men can be resurrected as well.  We are also reminded that if we live our lives in such a way as the Savior lived his life, if we will keep his commandments and follow Him, that we will be able to live in the presence of God. 

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said this about the sacrament. He said, ‘One of the invitations inherent in the sacramental ordinance is that it be a truly spiritual experience, a holy communion, a renewal for the soul.’1”

So how do we make it a spiritual experience, so that it is holy and sacred?

         1^st by coming prepared to have a spiritual experience and by singing the sacrament hymns and thinking and pondering on their words.

         2^nd by listening carefully to the sacrament prayers each Sunday.  One thing that I loved while we were serving at BYU was when the young men in our ward would bless the sacrament.  They always prayed with sincerity, they read the prayer slowly and with real intent.  You could feel the spirit so strongly.  It was obviously a very sacred experience for them.

         3^rd by recommitting ourselves to our covenants and being willing to take upon us the name of Jesus Christ.

         We are taught what those covenants are in Mosiah18: 8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

 9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—

 10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

So we covenant to bear one another’s burdens, mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that need comforting, stand as a witness of God-always, serve God and keep his commandments. 

We also promise to take upon us the name of Jesus Christ. What does that mean?  That’s a whole talk in itself, but when we take upon us the name of Jesus Christ, Simply stated, we put the Lord first in our lives, we strive to think and act as He would.  Elder Hamula said, “That is a solemn commitment to submit ourselves to His authority and to do His work, which includes receiving for ourselves every saving ordinance and covenant.”

We also covenant to “always remember Him.”

Sister Esplin of the Primary General Presidency said, “we witness to God that we will remember His Son always, not just during the brief sacrament ordinance. This means that we will constantly look to the Savior’s example and teachings to guide our thoughts, our choices, and our acts.”

Sometimes this is difficult as we go about the hustle and bustle of our daily lives.  As we strive to get kids off to school and other activities they’re involved in, as we strive to earn the income we need to keep our families fed and clothed, as we strive to keep up with our own interests and responsibilities we have been given. As we strive to keep up with everyone else around us—whether we should be or not.  As we strive to find peace and happiness in a crazy world. But I know it can be done.  Little by little, step by step.  Moment by moment.  Here a little and there a little.  Sometimes we have to stop and refocus and remember what is really important in life and what we are ultimately striving for.

In our class presidency meeting this past week, Sister Olivia Christiansen taught the presidency about extending a personal touch to all the girls around them.  She encouraged them to watch and be aware of the girls in our class and reach out in any little way to show them that they love them and that they are aware of them.  As I have thought about that suggestion, I realize that in doing that, they are following the example the Savior set for us.  They will be remembering Him in their every day lives as they strive to add their personal touch to the lives of others.

We also covenant to keep his commandments.  As we partake of the sacrament, this is a great time to reflect on your past week.  It is a time to not only reflect on our mistakes and recommit to do better, but also a time to reflect on the good things that we’ve accomplished as well and give thanks to God for His blessings and direction in our lives.  The atonement gives us that enabling power to do what is right.  To help us go beyond our abilities and accomplish more than we thought we could.

Sister Esplin said:  If our thoughts, words, or actions have been less than what they should have been in days past, we recommit ourselves to more closely align our lives with His in days to come.

As we strive to have a more spiritual experience as we partake of the sacrament each week we should never forget the beautiful blessings that come with this ordinance:  In 3 Nephi 18:7 …. And it shall be a testimony unto the Father that ye do always remember me. And if ye do always remember me ye shall have my Spirit to be with you.

We hear that same blessing in the sacrament prayers.  We will always have HIS SPIRIT to be with us!  What greater blessing can we ask for.

EVERY SUNDAY We have the opportunity to participate in an ordinance that the Savior himself instituted before he was crucified.  As Elder Hamula said, we need to wholeheartedly accept Jesus Christ and be willing to Follow Him and Keep His commandments.

We need to always remember HIM,  Who loved us and taught us and showed us the way. 

Who set the perfect example of how to live. 

Who served others unselfishly. 

Who gave his life for us that we might live again with our Heavenly Father. 

Who atoned for our sins. 

Who took upon Him all of our sorrows and pains so that our burdens would be bearable.

Who gives us Mercy and Grace!

I am so grateful for the sacrament and my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ.

I pray that we will all strive to have a more spiritual experience as we partake of the sacrament in remembrance of our Savior and his atoning sacrifice for us.