DATING STANDARDS

Church’s Standards on Dating:

We had a great discussion in our Mia Maid class on dating.  Here is somewhat how the lesson went.  “Somewhat” because I don’t remember all the discussion.  Mostly it’s what I had prepared with a little input of what I can remember.  

I asked the girls before hand to write down their questions on dating.

The question was asked: Is Passionate kissing a sin? Even though I really didn’t want to have a discussion on chastity I felt like something should be said.  Passionate kissing is not a sin in that if you participate in it you need to go and talk to your Bishop.  BUT the church advises against it because passionate kissing leads to further passion and into sin where you DO need to go and see your Bishop.  It’s best to stay away so you don’t get caught doing other sexual acts.

What is the church’s stand on dating??                      Write on the board.

Read the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet:

1.     No dating before 16

            Why?

            Maturity level is higher (more mature)--you're brain is more developed and can better interpret relationships

            Self-Discipline is more developed

            Better understanding of the standards           

2.     Avoid Frequent Dates with Same Person

            WHY?

            To avoid becoming more serious before you’re mature enough to be serious

            Avoid a broken heart

            Harder to maintain standards

            So you don't base your self-worth on your dating or breaking up---Not a good thing

3.     Date those with High Standards

            WHY?

            Harder to keep your standards when those around you don’t live theirs

            Easy to become complacent and forget the importance of the standards.

            Actions are preceded by our thoughts.

            Protect each other’s honor and virtue.
            Sometimes that may mean standing alone!  (Like Moroni)

4.     Go to Places where you can maintain your standards           

            Where would be a place where you would NOT go?  

• anywhere where alcohol is present
• where there is no adult supervision
• where activities are not following the church standards
• where you are totally alone with your date
• dark and secluded areas

            

We need to have FAITH in our leaders/the prophet and those who came up with these standards that they are trying to help us. 

The purpose of Dating:

            Pre-mission:  Dating is an opportunity to make friends with members of the opposite sex. 

            Learn social skills

            Learn how to interact with boys without feeling uncomfortable

            Learn what you like in a boy

            Learn about yourself

            Learn Respect—Self Control

            Learn about other people in general

            Post-mission: Find a Husband/Wife!

WE MARRY WHOM WE DATE!

I had a conversation with my married daughter about what kind of man you want to marry?

            Yes, you want to marry a righteous man—someone who will take you to the temple.

            Yes, you want to marry a return missionary—a mission makes a boy into a man & helps him to develop righteousness and a stronger testimony.  He learns how to be responsible.

            BUT – you want to marry a man who can earn a living for you and your family—someone who has a good work ethic and is a hard worker—someone who believes in education and knows the importance of it-- How do you know if he has these qualities? 

                        Look at the history of his work ethics as a youth

                        Look at how he views his schooling now—does he take it seriously?

                        Look at his father and the example he is setting or has set

            BUT – marry a man that will treat you and your children well—How do you know?

                        Look at how he treats his mother

                        Look at how he treats his siblings

                        Look how he treats others—should all be the same—treats his family the way he treats his friends.  

                       

The DECISIONS YOU MAKE NOW WILL DETERMINE THE TYPE OF MARRIAGE YOU WILL HAVE—THE TYPE OF MAN YOU WILL MARRY--they will determine your DESTINY!

Article of Faith 13: 
We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

give each girl a copy—highlight the qualities you want in a husband--circle the qualities you have! 
The Young Women General Presidency wrote an article on their advice on dating.  It's really great. You can check it out here: https://www.lds.org/liahona/2010/04/advice-to-young-women-on-dating?lang=eng 

If you want high qualities in a man/boy—you have to have high qualities in yourself.  You have to do your part to help the young men have these high qualities.  If you live the commandments and the standards and the values, it will help them to live them as well. 

Elder Richard G Scott tells the story of when he first met his wife—he fell head over heals in love.  One night she told him how she planned only to marry a return missionary.  He had never considered going on a mission.  Shortly thereafter he went in and met with his Bishop and started the preparation to go on a mission.  If she hadn’t had that stipulation, he may never have gone on a mission.  She was a strength and a help to him.   YOU CAN BE THE SAME!!!!  Here is the story in his words:

Later, as I was about to graduate from the university, I fell in love with a beautiful young woman named Jeanene Watkins. I thought she was beginning to have some deep feelings for me also. One night when we were talking about the future, she carefully wove into the discussion a statement that changed my life forever. She said, “When I marry, it will be to a faithful returned missionary in the temple.”

I hadn’t thought much about a mission before then. That night my motivation to consider missionary service changed dramatically. I went home, and I could think of nothing else. I was awake all night long. I was completely distracted from my studies the next day. After many prayers I made the decision to meet with my bishop and begin my missionary application.

Jeanene never asked me to serve a mission for her. She loved me enough to share her conviction and then gave me the opportunity to work out the direction of my own life. We both served missions and later were sealed in the temple. Jeanene’s courage and commitment to her faith have made all the difference in our lives together. I am certain we would not have found the happiness we enjoy without her strong faith in the principle of serving the Lord first. She is a wonderful, righteous example!

Kissing issue:  Some of the girls in our class want to know if it's alright to kiss boys.  Here is a rough draft of our conversation about kissing!

            God made us with a desire to have a physical attraction towards members of the opposite sex!

            We have this built in desire—we want to kiss the boys!

            It is best to refrain from kissing lots of boys.  Make it special for a special boy.  Don’t just give your kisses out freely and look for the boys that would feel and do the same.

            When you’re kissing a boy it only makes that desire grow stronger.  Thoughts lead to Actions.  Desire to kiss leads to kissing which leads to passionate kissing which leads to petting and other more serious sins.  These are actions we need to avoid until marriage.  Kissing brings your hormones to life!!  They start pumping and it can become uncontrollable.  That's why we stay away from Passionate Kissing.

On the church web site (lds.org) you can find experiences from other LDS youth on dating.  Here are a couple that I found enlightening.

Kaitlin Colleen R. - United States

• Just a year ago, I made the mistake of thinking that "do not go on frequent dates with the same person" did not apply to me. I decided that I was the exception, and this boy and I began steady dating. At first everything seemed fine! We read scriptures together and we were both really good LDS kids. But after awhile, I began to lose the spirit. We sacrificed our standards and gave into the worlds standards. And I forgot my identity as a daughter of God. Please do not let Satan convince you that you are an exception, and that the worlds standards are okay. Please hold yourself to God's standards no matter what, and you will save yourself from immense heartache. Dating should be a happy and fun experience, but you only if do it God's way.

Frida Monserrat Velasco D. - United States

I recently turned 16 in May, and i know some Young Women that already are dating guys for a long time now. Sometimes I felt like they treated me less because maybe I wasn't mature enough to date or simply guys didn't really notice me. It made me feel not so good but after many prayers and thinking about dating and the counsel the prophets always gives us I realized something. I want to marry a young man that is worthy of the priesthood and recognizes a virtues young woman. If i want that as a husband then I should do the same, keep high standards, following the advice of our leaders and like i read in previous experiences to go on double dates and enjoy dating guys but not "going out". I thank Heavenly Father and our Prophets that always keep a watch out for us, they make my life happy!

I encourage all of you to have the faith and the courage to follow the prophet on this important standard.  You will NEVER regret it!

SET YOUR STANDARDS—SET YOUR LIMITS

THOUGHTS LEAD TO ACTIONS