All your life you have been told to be chaste, clean and
pure, you can’t do this and you can’t do that BUT once you are married you
automatically have permission to do those things you couldn’t do before. And you are still chaste and clean and
pure! It’s like buying a new house, you’ve qualified for the loan, you made your down payment, and signed all the papers so now here are the keys to
your new home! Yesterday, it belonged to
the bank, and today it belongs to you.
After you kneel across the altar and say YES then she belongs to you and
He belongs to you. You have the key that
will unlock the door to a whole new world.
I told my dear husband that I felt a little awkward about teaching this
lesson—he said, well lighten it up a little and you can talk about the health
benefits of having sexually active life.
So he pulled out his phone and proceeded to look up the health benefits. Do you know there really is medical research
on this topic and actual benefits? So if you want to know what those are check out this web site: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex
In all seriousness, intimacy
is a vital part of marriage. It
will bring great joy into your
marriage. It will bring a closeness that
nothing else can bring. It binds two
people together—it’s the glue of your
relationship.
This is something That God has ordained. He wants us to have this in our lives. It’s not slutty or carnal or
animalistic. It’s sacred and symbolic and private and personal and beautiful.
Elder Richard G. Scott of the
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained the purposes of physical intimacy in
marriage: “Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband
and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their
loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set. One purpose of this
private, sacred, intimate experience is to provide the physical bodies for
the spirits Father in Heaven wants to experience mortality. Another reason
for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and
wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration of each other, and common
purpose” (
TRUST----RESPONSIBILITY----POWER----FOR ENJOYMENT----MAKE US ONE----BRING'S CLOSER TOGETHER
Intimacy has to do with the 3 S’s as taught by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. http://www.familylifeeducation.org/gilliland/procgroup/Souls.htm
It's a long talk but well worth your efforts to read it.
The 3 S's: SOULS, SYMBOLS, & SACRAMENT
It's a long talk but well worth your efforts to read it.
The 3 S's: SOULS, SYMBOLS, & SACRAMENT
When we understand intimacy and it’s importance and it’s
power then we understand why we have been asked to live the law of
chastity.
SOULS: when we participate in sex, we participate in
an act of procreation. It’s what makes
us equal to God—it is the power that brings another human being into this
world. It is the power of creation. We
are playing with the souls of others.
When we consider the importance that we have put on
obtaining a body and the importance of taking care of it then we understand that
giving another spirit a physical body is a grand act. We also have to understand that when we take
lightly this act and desecrate our own bodies that we are messing with our own
souls and the souls of others. Sexual
sins are serious because our souls and those of others are at stake.
SYMBOLS: it is symbolic of the unity that we talked about last week. We want to have unity in our marriage and we try desperately to have it. It is 2 individuals who symbolically and
physically become one.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “Human intimacy is reserved for a married
couple because it is the ultimate symbol of total union, a totality and a union
ordained and defined by God. From the Garden of Eden onward, marriage was
intended to mean the complete merger of a man and a woman—a total union of their
hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their
everything. Adam said of Eve that she was bone of his bones and flesh of
his flesh, and that they were to be ‘one flesh’ in their life together [see Genesis 2:23–24]. This is a union of such completeness that we use the word seal to convey
its eternal promise. The Prophet Joseph Smith once said
we perhaps could render such a sacred bond as being ‘welded’ one to another
[see D&C 128:18]”
Genesis 2:24 says a man shall ccleave
unto his dwife: and they shall be eone flesh.
My daughter is a nurse in the newborn intensive care unit
here in Provo. One of the things that
they do with these tiny babies to help them bond to their mothers is do skin to skin.
I think they do this with normal babies as well. This is where they literally place the naked
baby onto the mothers naked body as well. The baby may have a diaper on. (they do it discreetly—they put the baby inside the mother’s clothing.) It binds the two together. It’s a form of
intimacy.
Excuse my expression on this delicate
matter, but that is the way a man and a woman bond together and become one
flesh as well—skin to skin. One flesh.
SACRAMENT: Elder Holland said a sacrament could be any one of a number of gestures
or acts or ordinances that unite us with God and his limitless powers. Intimacy is an act where we can symbolically unite with God and gain access to his
power—the great power of creating another individual.
Our former stake president in our home ward taught that it
is also a time to renew the covenants that you make in the temple when you are
sealed together as husband and wife; the same way we renew baptismal covenants
when we partake of the bread and water.
Because this act is so sacred and has so much power, we have
been commanded to use it only in the bonds of marriage. And to use it in marriage to bind us and unite
us and to strengthen our love for
each other.
Intimacy has 3 types: Think of these three as a triangle. They all work together to truly make intimacy a "whole".
Spiritual—The things we have talked about already
Emotional
Physical
All 3 are very real and very important in fulfilling human
desires. Each of these areas need to be
cultivated and constantly worked on.
Intimacy, physical or otherwise, is affected by our every day interactions with each other.
MEN AND WOMEN SEE INTIMACY
DIFFERENTLY.
Emotional Intimacy: Robert F. Stahmann in an
address at a family conference at BYU said: (http://ce.byu.edu/cw/fuf/archives/2004/Robert.Stahmann.pdf) It’s been said that, typically, men give love
and commitment in order to get physical affection and sex. Women give physical
affection and sex in order to get commitment and love. It might also be said
that men typically hunger for sex while women hunger for romance. Men initially
give and receive love to fulfill their physical needs, while women initially
give and receive love to fulfill their emotional needs.
Often, women need to feel loved and nurtured before they begin to be
aroused and develop desire for sexual intimacy.
Men
often need to be sexually aroused before they can truly feel and express love.
A woman may want to feel emotionally fulfilled before she is
ready to have physical intimacy.
A man may feel more of a need for physical intimacy and that
helps him realize the emotional feelings he has.
you have to work together
to give that emotional & spiritual intimacy than the physical is more
desirable and more satisfying. They
feed off of each other. It's what makes the other person "tick" or "get excited" or "ready" to be intimate.
Emotional intimacy is being aware of the other person, it’s
helping the other, it’s meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. It’s the showing of love and charity for that
person. It’s dating and talking and
sharing. It’s being friends and when
your friendship is alive and flourishing, it will be easier for your sex life
to be alive and flourish as well.
Pres. Monson made the comment at priesthood meeting
this last month. He said he’d heard a
message at a conference that had stayed with him for 40 years: Among many truths the speaker discussed, she said that a woman needs to be
told she is beautiful. She needs to be told she is valued. She needs to be told
she is worthwhile.
And I add...and that she is loved. That is exactly what a woman likes to hear and
brethren, if you want a happy wife it would be well to remember that. That is what emotional intimacy is. Complementing and noticing not only how she
looks but appreciating the things she does and letting her know. It’s also being willing to help out around
the house. And women, always do what you
need to to make yourself beautiful and attractive to your husband. You will have bad
days and that’s ok. Just don’t
let every day be a bad day. Some women
once they are married and particularly those who become stay at home moms get
into a trap of never doing their hair or wearing makeup or getting dressed out
of their old baggy jogging pants. And
your husband comes home from work and that’s what meets him at the door??? Not
always a good thing. So Give them something to compliment and be attracted to.
But then Pres. Monson went on and said:
Brethren, I know that men are very much
like women in this regard. We need to be told that we amount to something, that
we are capable and worthwhile.
So girls, the same goes with you. Make sure you compliment and find the good
that your husband is doing and let him know that he is worthwhile. Men—same with you as I told the women—don’t
become bums that don’t do anything around the house but watch TV and eat
chips.
BE worthwhile.
Physical Intimacy—don’t
forget it’s not just the one act—it is the touching,
the kissing, the cuddling, the holding hands & hugging. Be romantic. Date
and spend time together. Talk and share your feelings. You have to communicate
with each other how you’re feeling. This is a time to express your deepest
feelings towards each other. It’s sacred, it’s special and it’s very private.
Something for just the two of you to share. Let it be exciting
and fun. And you shouldn’t be discussing it with others. Don't go talk to your colleagues or friends or family. If you like what happened, tell your spouse. If you have concerns or problems, talk about
it with your spouse. If your spouse
comes to you and has concerns or problems, be open and listen and talk about it
together.
I read this in a blog yesterday and I liked how this married LDS man looked at sex:
sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust
and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. …when sex is done right, at its deepest
level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with
another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two
people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love
each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is
beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing.
Warning: when the children
come around, don’t let intimacy get pushed to
the side. Take time to still
enjoy each other. Make it a
priority. Get a lock for your bedroom door and teach your children that when the
door is locked they will have to take care of themselves unless it is a dire
emergency. You may even want to schedule a night for intimacy—which you won’t
have to worry about now—this is for down the road.
Before you marry, I would talk to your parents and ask for
any advice they have especially for your honeymoon. It takes time to learn how to do this and it
takes time to learn what you and your spouse like and what you need to do so that it will be a
good experience.
I encourage you to do some study
on the subject yourselves. There is so
much information on this topic. Be careful though. Make sure the information you read is on the same sacred level that we view it.
Because intimacy in
marriage is so important
and it is so sacred, and it is so private, we are hesitant to
talk about it and to ask questions. Do your homework and be ready for this
great part of your marriage. We are
commanded to stay clean and pure before marriage and we are commanded to have
total fidelity after marriage. That we
save this special act for the one person we will be united with for
eternity. That we don’t share ourselves
with others before or after that exciting time in our lives-marriage. This is something you get to share with just that ONE person who you love with all your heart. It's worth the wait!
Intimacy will bring you great joy! It will bring you closer to your spouse than anything else. It will bind you and make you one. It is sacred, symbolic, private, personal, beautiful and sanctified by God.
2 Good Books to Read: And They were Not Ashamed by Laura Brotherson: http://www.amazon.com/And-They-Were-Ashamed-Strengthening/dp/1587830345/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1353281371&sr=8-1&keywords=and+they+were+not+ashamed
Between Husband and Wife by Stephen E. Lamb and Douglas E. Brinley:
2 Good Books to Read: And They were Not Ashamed by Laura Brotherson: http://www.amazon.com/And-They-Were-Ashamed-Strengthening/dp/1587830345/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1353281371&sr=8-1&keywords=and+they+were+not+ashamed
Between Husband and Wife by Stephen E. Lamb and Douglas E. Brinley:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=between+husband+and+wife
Not really promoting Amazon--it's just where I shop. You can buy them wherever you want. You might even find them in the library????
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