Brethren Support the Sisters!

My first memories of stake conference was when I was probably 7 or 8 years old.  At the time we were living in Loveland, Colorado and we had to go to Cheyenne, Wyoming to go to stake conference.  The only thing I really remember is sitting on folding chairs and singing.  When I was in high school we lived in Iowa and went to Omaha, Nebraska for stake conference. My memory of stake conference then was listening to youth speakers and thinking that that would be the scariest thing in the world.  I've thought that all my life.  So now, here I am where I have had to speak in stake conference more than once.  My first time was when I was sustained in this calling and Pres. Mullen called me out of the audience to bear my testimony.  It's amazing what you can do when the Holy Ghost is on your side.  I have discovered that yes, it is scary it's probably not the scariest thing ever!  


In February 2010 I was asked to speak in the adult session of stake conference.  Here is that talk:

Tonight brethren I am speaking to you.  BUT sisters, don’t tune out, there may be something here you can pick up on too. 

How can you brethren sustain and support the sisters?

When I think about sustaining and supporting I think of families.  That’s what families do, they support and sustain each other.  I bet the majority of you have been watching the Olympics these past 2 weeks.  At almost every event, they show parents of the participating athlete sitting in the stands cheering on their son or daughter.  They are doing what they’ve been doing the past 20 years, encouraging, rooting for them, being there for them.  That is sustaining and supporting!!  But how do you sustain and support the sisters in your ward and stake?

As I was thinking about this topic, home teaching was the first thing that came to my mind.

1.  Be a good home teacher.

I thought of our home teacher.  KC Shaw has home taught our family for probably 12-13 years.  He has had several different companions through the years.  We have a standing appointment every month. It’s the last Sunday of the month and we know that today he will be coming to our house at about 9:00.  But I also know he or his companion will call first to make sure it is still going to work.  We know that if he and his wife get extra tickets to the Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert, they will invite us.  We know that if we take them with us to a Hale Center Play to see his favorite play, he’ll want to take us to dinner before hand.  We are good friends with KC Shaw and his wife and have done many things together as couples and as families because he is a good home teacher.  So what does that tell you?   Become friends with the girls you home teach.  Find out what they like.  Be interested in what they are doing.  Find out their goals and ambitions.  Challenge them in areas where they are struggling.  Support them by being to Sacrament meeting if they are talking or attend their Sunday School class if they are teaching.  Talk to them at times other than when you are home teaching—like at church on Sunday, or if you see them on campus or somewhere else.  When they need help be there to help them.  If you can’t be there, find someone who can.  If they need a ride somewhere, give them a ride or help them find one. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to choose one day out of the month when you can have a standing appointment to home teach.  And then call to remind them and make sure it is still going to work.  Be a good home teacher.

2.  Learn the names of the girls in your ward.

Here is my ward directory of the ward I was in at BYU my freshman year.  Kind of weird I know that I still have it.  I wish I had other ward directories.  Get your hands on your ward directory and learn every girl’s name that is in your ward.  Then when you pass them in the parking lot or on campus or at the store you can do the simple thing of saying Hi and calling them by name.  When Joseph Smith had his vision in the Sacred Grove, Heavenly Father called him by his first name.  When we use someone’s name in addressing them, it makes them think we really have an interest in them.  It doesn’t mean though that you have to take her on a date—although that might not be a bad idea.  It doesn’t mean that you are stalking her—BUT if you are than stop!  It just means that you care about how she feels about herself and calling her by her name will make her feel good about whom she is.  Gordon B. Hinckley was speaking to the women of the church when he made the following statement but I think it can be said to the men as well, “It has been and is your responsibility to visit (the) sisters wherever they may be found, to give encouragement as they may need it, to assure them of love and concern and interest.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Walking in the Light of the Lord,” Ensign, Nov 1998, 97).   President Kimball once observed that the “needy” around us may need friendship and fellowship. . . . “I sometimes think our own Latter-day Saint women are ‘needy’ just because some of us are not as thoughtful and considerate of them as we should be. Our pantries can be filled with food and yet our sisters can be starved for affection and recognition.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 317.)  Girls love attention.  They love to be noticed.  It doesn’t have to be big and grand.  A simple hello, how are you, what’s up?  This is one of those things that fulfills the scripture in Alma 37 that says, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass.

3. Treat the sisters in our stake with the utmost respect.

1 Timothy 5: 1” …intreat . . . .2 The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.”  Treat these young women in our stake as you would your sisters. As I have watched a brother and sister in the ward Bro Roper & I attend, you can see the love and respect this brother has for his sister.  You can see the respect he has for her opinion and the confidence he has when he is with her.  I remember the way my brother use to treat me in high school.  He was my protector—watching out for my welfare, wanting to take care of me and making sure others did as well.   Pres. Spencer W. Kimball said,  “Men of the world may disregard women or see them only as objects of desire or as someone to be used for selfish purposes. Let us, however, be different in our conduct and in our relationships with women.”  Earlier this month we were in Las Vegas on our way to moving our daughter to Phoenix.  I haven’t been there for a very long time and it’s never been one of my favorite places to visit, but I was reminded why I don’t like Las Vegas and I was appalled at the way women are “looked upon” in that city.  Seen only as objects to fulfill men’s lustful desires.  It saddened me greatly and I couldn’t help but think that it saddens our Heavenly Father, the creator of us all, even more.  ‘Intreat’ these sisters with all purity—not only in action but in thought as well.  Love them.  Protect them. Take care of them.

4.  Be kind at all times.

There is never a good excuse to treat someone in an unkind way.  Kristen Oaks, wife to Dallin H Oaks said in a CES fireside in Nov. 2007, “Be good to one another. We desperately need kind words of encouragement. Those words can come from your lips. Start now to use them and they will be an eternal blessing. . . . Brethren, I speak to you. Never be afraid to build those around you. What you say will be remembered a very long time. Elder Oaks wrote in his high school yearbook lines of praise to a young woman who would, as an adult, become the president of a general auxiliary in the Church. Over 50 years after he had written them, she used those words in her biography. . . . . We grow and flourish when we are praised and valued. Kind, true words are a gift you give yourself and others, and they will continue to do so into your marriage.”   Joseph B. Wirthlin gave a talk at conference in April 2005 on being kind.  He said, “Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years. . . .  Jesus, our Savior, was the epitome of kindness and compassion. He healed the sick. He spent much of His time ministering to the one or many. He spoke compassionately to the Samaritan woman who was looked down upon by many.  (I love this example, because the Savior wasn’t concerned about popularity.  He didn’t care what others thought about Him or what they thought about her—and yet He showed compassion to her.) He instructed His disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him. He was kind to all who had sinned, condemning only the sin, not the sinner. He kindly allowed thousands of Nephites to come forward and feel the nail prints in His hands and feet. Yet His greatest act of kindness was found in His atoning sacrifice, thus freeing all from the effects of death, and all from the effects of sin, on conditions of repentance. . . .”  Young men, be as the Savior.  Always looking out for the sisters in our stake, being kind and compassionate towards them. Ephesians 4: 29, 31-32  “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. . . . .

  31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

  32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  You can sustain and support the women of this stake by being men that are tenderhearted, kind, forgiving, who can bridle your wrath and anger and your tongues.   

So let’s wrap this up.  Brethren, you can support and sustain the sisters in this stake by being good home teachers, learning the names of all the sisters in your ward and calling attention to them by name, by being respectful and entreating them as your own blood sister and by being kind and compassionate.  Is that too much to ask??  I don’t think so.  Isn’t the gospel a wonderful thing in our lives.  We have this great tool that not only gives us spiritual guidance, but a tool to help us and give us direction in all aspects and areas of our lives.   I love the gospel.  I love my Savior. And the more I learn about him the more I understand that even though He was the son of God, He was a man who lived His life serving others so that we could learn from His example.